John Suder

You all know who she is.
She’s the one full of so-called ‘holiday cheer’.
She’s the one who thinks she really knows what Christmas is all about.

The Christmas Lady is the one who starts playing the Christmas Music on her cubicle - right after Thanksgiving. She also decorates her cubicle or workspace with lights, maybe a small tree.

Around the first week of December, we see the emergence of her ‘Holiday Style’. The Santa Hat, perched upon her unstylish Aqua-netted hair. Or even worse - one of those hats that look like a decorated tree (complete with lights). That might be cute for the 22 year-old bartender at Applebees or the hot little number in Accounts Payable, but you, honey, look ridiculous.

Oh, and here’s the worst part - The Christmas Sweaters..or even worse The Christmas Sweater Vest. She has a collection. Some of the more hardcore Christmas ladies have a Christmas Sweater for every day of the month.

Christmas Ladies can also be spotted by the distinctive Jingle Bells worn on their Sensible Shoes. You can hear them coming by the jingle of their bells – and the sound of their huge thighs rubbing together in their red polyester slacks..swoot-sweesh-jingle, swoot-sweesh-jingle.

Well, I’m glad the holidays are over. Now ‘The Christmas Ladies’ can go back to being what they are the rest of the year: ‘The Crazy Cat Lady’.